MIND. BLOWN.

I'm not sure why I brought all those books to college.
Sure, it'd be a great witnessing segue to have someone come into my room and see MacArthur, Piper, and DeYoung all in a line on my bookshelf and ask why I had all these "Christian books." But honestly, that was about as useful as they all got.
Until last week.
You know something's wrong with your spiritual life when you don't read the Bible (or read books about the Bible) until you're bored. That means you have a priority crisis, or "a heart problem", as my mother says.
It was last Tuesday, after a long day of work and studying that I was brain-dead. I needed a break- BADLY.
So what do I do?
I start reading a book whether the theanthropic Jesus primarily lived out his divinity or his humanity while here on earth. And I thought my head was about to explode.
Bruce Ware's The Man Christ Jesus was the perfect book for me to pick up. This was thick stuff, but I loved it. It was an entirely different perspective on the person of Jesus Christ that I had never seen before. All the things Jesus did, like growing in wisdom, resisting temptation, growing in faith- Ware concludes that Jesus did these things not out of the omniscience and omnipotence of his divinity, but through his humanity, being indwelt by the Spirit of God. At the end of the book he makes this point- since the same Spirit that resided in the person of Christ also resides in all true believers, we have the ability to grow in wisdom, resist temptation, grow in faith. Granted, Jesus did all of these things perfectly (which we could never do), but that same power resides in us, enabling us to do these very same things.
MIND. BLOWN.
There I was, lying face-down in the middle of the hallway outside my door, half asleep at 3 AM, hood up, looking like a homeless person- and loving every second of it.
Never in my life have I had such a mental overload.
Never in my life has a mental overload felt so good.
I was so encouraged by this truth, one I had overlooked so easily. "Full steam ahead" was a curse for me. I was so dead-set on making it through this semester (academically, mentally, emotionally- heck, physically) that I blocked out the Spirit's work in my life.
Thanks be to God that He reminded me of it.
For some reason, I now have this insatiable desire to read all these books collecting dust on my shelf- almost to the point where I forego homework and studying to read them (is that bad?). I know that this is the Spirit doing a work in my life, and I want more of it. Sometimes, it seems like I can't live this busy life and be transformed by the Spirit. But then I'm reminded;
The only way I can live this life is by being transformed by the Spirit. 


Funny how things work.

I Don't Want to Need God

These days, life seems to go so fast, I can't keep up. So much swirling around in my head- I can never seem to get it all straight. Naturally, when you go into mental survival mode, the first thing to go is usually your spiritual life. It's SO. EASY. Use those minutes to get extra sleep instead of getting up and being refreshed by the Word. Use that time to study instead of go to RUF. It seems logical- but in fact, it's lethal. 

I want to need God.

It's all too easy to forget about how much God works in my life on a daily basis. It's all around me, and too often I am too busy with homework (among other things) to stop and look at how gracious and kind and loving and integral God is in my life. 

But I want to need God. 

That desire is real. Every Sunday or Tuesday at RUF, I'm reminded of what God does in His child's life, in my life. And I feel this desire to need God's help, because it seems like that would reassure me that I belong to Him.

But I don't want to need God.

I just plain and simple NEED. GOD. 

It doesn't matter whether or not I want to need Him; the fact is that every person needs God, for physical as well as spiritual life.

Recognizing that simple fact gives both perspective and reassurance. Wanting to need God is inherently self-focused. Needing God is an explicit, in-your-face admission that you can't do it all, that you aren't a superhero (yellow underwear and all) and you rely wholly and completely on God's providence to see you through today. 

Seems like this cycle happens all too often. Maybe God has something in store in the near future to teach me a big lesson. Maybe it's just my selfishness and laissez faire attitude towards the Holy Spirit that keeps me from loving  Him. But every now and then, I find myself saying this prayer: "God, I need you. Help me to see your blessings in my life. Help me to see trials as a catalyst for sanctification and not discouragement. God, I need you. Help me to see that."

Imma Do Me

Whew!That was a while!
Life catches up to you sometimes, and blogging gets pushed to the back burner.
Some of my friends were allowed to date in high school. I don't think I was, but my parents and I never really sat down and had that chat. There were 2 major reasons I didn't have a girlfriend in high school: 1) I didn't want the drama and 2) I was never man enough to ask a girl out.
I know. Pathetic.
But now it's a different story. I'm an adult out on my own- it's my decision. In highschool, there were expectations placed on me (whether perceived or actual) and what type of person I was supposed to be. Don't get me wrong- I lived for Christ, not to fulfill other people's expectations. But all the same, those expectations aren't really around anymore. Those people aren't around me daily to make sure I'm upholding them. My parents raised me right, so I have no intention of changing who I am in Christ. But the temptation now exists to change who I am to attract people. It's not hard- I know what type of guy most girls are looking for.
But I'm not looking for 'most girls.'
I'm looking for the girl who's different- she's a diamond in the rough (in more ways than one).
She cares about others more than herself, and she loves Christ more than anything.
That's the kind of girl I want, and I guarantee you she's looking for a young man who does the same thing.
Men who live a godly life will attract women who live a godly life. It's just that simple.
If a girl is following Christ, then any Christian guy worth his salt should be able to spot her.
And that's the type of girl worth going after.
Have I found her yet?
Maybe. Just maybe...
But teaching yourself not to settle for less is tough.
Especially when it's so easy.
It's a daily struggle- one that requires the help of the Holy Spirit to overcome.
So when people say "Imma do me, and you do you", I say "more power to ya."
I'm gonna be who I am- a reckless follower of Jesus Christ. If a girl doesn't like that, then it only means that I haven't found who I'm looking for. But if she does,
maybe my wait is over...