Monday, November 18, 2013

MIND. BLOWN.

I'm not sure why I brought all those books to college.
Sure, it'd be a great witnessing segue to have someone come into my room and see MacArthur, Piper, and DeYoung all in a line on my bookshelf and ask why I had all these "Christian books." But honestly, that was about as useful as they all got.
Until last week.
You know something's wrong with your spiritual life when you don't read the Bible (or read books about the Bible) until you're bored. That means you have a priority crisis, or "a heart problem", as my mother says.
It was last Tuesday, after a long day of work and studying that I was brain-dead. I needed a break- BADLY.
So what do I do?
I start reading a book whether the theanthropic Jesus primarily lived out his divinity or his humanity while here on earth. And I thought my head was about to explode.
Bruce Ware's The Man Christ Jesus was the perfect book for me to pick up. This was thick stuff, but I loved it. It was an entirely different perspective on the person of Jesus Christ that I had never seen before. All the things Jesus did, like growing in wisdom, resisting temptation, growing in faith- Ware concludes that Jesus did these things not out of the omniscience and omnipotence of his divinity, but through his humanity, being indwelt by the Spirit of God. At the end of the book he makes this point- since the same Spirit that resided in the person of Christ also resides in all true believers, we have the ability to grow in wisdom, resist temptation, grow in faith. Granted, Jesus did all of these things perfectly (which we could never do), but that same power resides in us, enabling us to do these very same things.
MIND. BLOWN.
There I was, lying face-down in the middle of the hallway outside my door, half asleep at 3 AM, hood up, looking like a homeless person- and loving every second of it.
Never in my life have I had such a mental overload.
Never in my life has a mental overload felt so good.
I was so encouraged by this truth, one I had overlooked so easily. "Full steam ahead" was a curse for me. I was so dead-set on making it through this semester (academically, mentally, emotionally- heck, physically) that I blocked out the Spirit's work in my life.
Thanks be to God that He reminded me of it.
For some reason, I now have this insatiable desire to read all these books collecting dust on my shelf- almost to the point where I forego homework and studying to read them (is that bad?). I know that this is the Spirit doing a work in my life, and I want more of it. Sometimes, it seems like I can't live this busy life and be transformed by the Spirit. But then I'm reminded;
The only way I can live this life is by being transformed by the Spirit. 


Funny how things work.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

I Don't Want to Need God

These days, life seems to go so fast, I can't keep up. So much swirling around in my head- I can never seem to get it all straight. Naturally, when you go into mental survival mode, the first thing to go is usually your spiritual life. It's SO. EASY. Use those minutes to get extra sleep instead of getting up and being refreshed by the Word. Use that time to study instead of go to RUF. It seems logical- but in fact, it's lethal. 
I want to need God.
It's all too easy to forget about how much God works in my life on a daily basis. It's all around me, and too often I am too busy with homework (among other things) to stop and look at how gracious and kind and loving and integral God is in my life. 
But I want to need God. 
That desire is real. Every Sunday or Tuesday at RUF, I'm reminded of what God does in His child's life, in my life. And I feel this desire to need God's help, because it seems like that would reassure me that I belong to Him.
But I don't want to need God.
I just plain and simple NEED. GOD. 
It doesn't matter whether or not I want to need Him; the fact is that every person needs God, for physical as well as spiritual life.
Recognizing that simple fact gives both perspective and reassurance. Wanting to need God is inherently self-focused. Needing God is an explicit, in-your-face admission that you can't do it all, that you aren't a superhero (yellow underwear and all) and you rely wholly and completely on God's providence to see you through today. 
Seems like this cycle happens all too often. Maybe God has something in store in the near future to teach me a big lesson. Maybe it's just my selfishness and laissez faire attitude towards the Holy Spirit that keeps me from loving  Him. But every now and then, I find myself saying this prayer: "God, I need you. Help me to see your blessings in my life. Help me to see trials as a catalyst for sanctification and not discouragement. God, I need you. Help me to see that."

Monday, November 4, 2013

Imma Do Me

Whew!That was a while!
Life catches up to you sometimes, and blogging gets pushed to the back burner.
Some of my friends were allowed to date in high school. I don't think I was, but my parents and I never really sat down and had that chat. There were 2 major reasons I didn't have a girlfriend in high school: 1) I didn't want the drama and 2) I was never man enough to ask a girl out.
I know. Pathetic.
But now it's a different story. I'm an adult out on my own- it's my decision. In highschool, there were expectations placed on me (whether perceived or actual) and what type of person I was supposed to be. Don't get me wrong- I lived for Christ, not to fulfill other people's expectations. But all the same, those expectations aren't really around anymore. Those people aren't around me daily to make sure I'm upholding them. My parents raised me right, so I have no intention of changing who I am in Christ. But the temptation now exists to change who I am to attract people. It's not hard- I know what type of guy most girls are looking for.
But I'm not looking for 'most girls.'
I'm looking for the girl who's different- she's a diamond in the rough (in more ways than one).
She cares about others more than herself, and she loves Christ more than anything.
That's the kind of girl I want, and I guarantee you she's looking for a young man who does the same thing.
Men who live a godly life will attract women who live a godly life. It's just that simple.
If a girl is following Christ, then any Christian guy worth his salt should be able to spot her.
And that's the type of girl worth going after.
Have I found her yet?
Maybe. Just maybe...
But teaching yourself not to settle for less is tough.
Especially when it's so easy.
It's a daily struggle- one that requires the help of the Holy Spirit to overcome.
So when people say "Imma do me, and you do you", I say "more power to ya."
I'm gonna be who I am- a reckless follower of Jesus Christ. If a girl doesn't like that, then it only means that I haven't found who I'm looking for. But if she does,
maybe my wait is over...

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Taking a Break... Kind Of

It was break from some things, but not others.
Last weekend, I got a break, mostly, from worldliness. The setting of RUF Fall Conference presented an opportunity to press pause on the worries and distractions of life and focus on knowing God and fellowshiping with His people. After a quick 3-day school week, it was off to Chicago and a weekend filled with corporate visits. I got to take a break from the worries and stresses of work and study- but not from worldliness and sin.
It was a very fun and entertaining trip, don't get me wrong. Tripping to a beautiful city, staying in a nice hotel, visiting some exceptional work environments, and breaking off to sneak in a little sight seeing was just the break I needed. But along with that came some struggles. Suffice it to say, I felt alone in my pursuit of godliness this weekend. Normally, I have friends at Mizzou who face similar struggles in life, and I can battle through those struggles with them. But in Chicago, with a group of 24 other students (none of whom know Christ, I'm fairly confident in saying), it's quite difficult. Expressing frustration, putting others first (or not), or experiencing enjoyment- there seemed to be somewhat of a lopsided dichotomy between two lifestyles this weekend. The 25 of us are supposed to be some of the hardest working, exemplary students and people in the Mizzou School of Business. I saw students act unbecoming of this expectation on multiple occasions.
The temptation to join them was strong. The (empty) promise of satisfaction and the lack of accountability made it a very hard decision.
But I have to choose to find my satisfaction in Christ, not in worldly methods or habits. Christ calls me to become more like Him, not more like others or what they want me to be. It all comes down to a value judgment- whose approval do I deem to be of more value? I might lose the respect and acceptance of my peers because I don't spend my nights the same way they do. My rationale for that might seem foolish or narrow-minded. But I want to be more like Christ, not like them. In the end, my peers and friends won't even be around to accept or reject me. 

But God will. 
That's why I choose to follow Christ. His work on the cross guarantees His acceptance of me. If others' acceptance of me is based on my performance, I'll fail every time. How much more will I fail if God's acceptance of me is based on me?
But praise the Lord it's not. Christ obeyed perfectly, even though I don't. I know for certain God sees Christ's righteousness when He looks at me, and that's all the satisfaction I need.
This weekend was a chance to press pause, but also a chance to continue. A chance to continue to be a light in a dark room, a chance to display Christ to those around me. And I got to enjoy myself along the way.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Rain, Lakes, and Memories

I'm driving down Main Street in Nostalgiaville right now. RUF Fall Conference trekked to Windermere Christian Conference Center this weekend- the sight of Ascend Camp waaaayyyy back in the summer of 2012! It's exactly the same as it was 15 months, 9 days ago.
Except for the driving rain and absence of shower-phobic teenagers...
Coming back here, if only for 2 days, reminds me of all the lessons learned, trials endured, and memories made here 2 summers ago. That week was one of the best in my life. The launch of Ascend Camp, I think, spawned some doubt and uncertainty among some as to whether or not it would work out. 
Lemme tell ya, it was a SMASHING success. God was hard at work in people's lives that week- at least He was in mine. To be honest, I learned just as much going throughout my day as I did sitting under the preaching of the Word. Getting to interact with students and leaders from different churches and different states gave me new perspective on how people (besides me) live the Christian life. And everyone knows that getting away for a few days and focusing on fun, fellowship and learning from the Word is perhaps the most refreshing experience for Christians young and old. It drowns out the din of social media and worldly entertainment and allows you to focus on creation and the God who made it. 
If this semester is a novel, this weekend is, at most, a misplaced comma. Insignificant in and of itself, but meaningful in the grander scheme of things. Learning about the Christian meta-narrative and how it affects the Christian worldview has been encouraging thus far, but I'm finding my mind in another place.
I can hardly turn left or right around here without remembering those nights last summer. "Yep- played basketball right here." "Yep- broke a bone right there." " Yep- made a new friend on that bench." It's remarkable how much my life changed here. I hope my life changes a little more this weekend.
It also reminds me of all the friends I made that summer that I'm not around anymore. (Miss you guys, BTW.) We're all a year older now, but part of me feels guilty coming back here without them. 
Thoughts are definitely swirling in this cluttered mind, but one thing ain't goin' nowhere:
I know my Redeemer lives, and no matter how much things change around me, no matter the challenges I face on a daily basis, I know He stays the same, and because He lives in me, He's already conquered those challenges on my behalf. All that's left to do, for my part, is to surrender to Him and let Him conquer through me. That's never easy, but it's ALWAYS  worth it.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Taking a Back Seat

It's been so good to see all my friends again... After 5 LONG weeks at Mizzou, pressing the pause button on college life for a day or two has been brief, but refreshing. Family meals, apple picking, late night conversations, reconnecting- a good recharge to my mental and emotional batteries.
Funny how much things can change in 5 weeks.
When Facebook and the occasional text conversation are all you have to keep up, there's a lot than can slip through the cracks. Some of my friends are exactly the same- just as funny, just as encouraging, and just as, if not more, recklessly devoted to Christ. That's great- TWO THUMBS UP TO Y'ALL.
Others, maybe not so much.
Now I'm not the filter through which my friends should make big life decisions. They shouldn't go around thinking "I better OK my new girlfriend with Ethan" or "let's make sure Ethan approves of my schedule." That would be pretty awesome, but it's not the way it should be.
Nonetheless, living 2 hours away and watching my friends grow up from a distance has taken a big toll on me. I went through middle school and highschool having a vested emotional and spiritual interest in my friends' lives. I was used to having a deep, personal, regular relationship with them, and that's a good thing. Starting over in college with very few friends (none of whom I was close with) was like having part of me taken away, and having to grow it back.
But I have to realize that life goes on. My friends' lives are not dependent on mine. They grow and change just like I do, and in their own way. Not being up close and personal with them is disconcerting and tough, but God has changes that He wants to make in my friends' lives, and I can't expect God to OK their new girlfriends with me. IT'S NOT UP TO ME.
That should be comforting.
If you find yourself restless with the throes and changes in life, remember: it's not up to you. A loving, omniscient God is in charge of people's lives.
A loving, omniscient God is in charge of my friends' lives.
A loving, omniscient God is in charge of MY life.
So coming back and seeing my friends grow up, admittedly, was tough. But cool at the same time. I can't wait to see how God will work in their lives- and mine.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Angst... Is That a Word?

There are SO. Many. Things. to worry about in college. Tests. Projects. Presentations. Having time to eat dinner. Eating too much dinner. Waking up on time. Going to bed too late. Gaining the Freshman 15 (or the Mizzou 22, as Tigers call it). Making friends.

Sometimes, all those worries hit me at once. And lemme tell ya, that's not so fun.
But somehow, everything turns out alright after all these things happen. So, why worry in the first place?

Because it's convenient. 
Convenient?
Yes.
Worry is a convenient way to get our feelings out in the moment. And it works sometimes- for about 5 minutes, and then I start to worry again.
And usually, worrying about something before it happens doesn't change the event at all. It happens just as if I hadn't worried about it.
So not only are we as Christians commanded NOT to worry (Philippians 4:6-7. Look it up. Good verse.), but worrying often has no impact on your situation at all, except to create more worry.
Getting over the sin of worry is definitely a challenge, but Philippians 4 provides the solution; "through prayer and supplication make your requests known to God."
God has complete and utter control over our circumstances. That fact ALONE should eliminate our inclination to worry about the stresses and concerns of this life.

Maybe I'll try that this week.

Friday, September 20, 2013

Subtweets

I wish I was chicken enough to subtweet. 

My Twitter feed is now flooded with people making vague statements about life. They're directed at individuals, but I usually can't tell who it is (unless it's glaringly obvious). Things like "I trusted you and this is what you do to me?" or, "I'm standing here, waiting, and you can't bother to look my way." Catch my drift?

Good. Now I can rant about them.
I think subtweets are nothing short of relational cowardice. If you subtweet, don't. Afford the other person the opportunity to find out how you feel from YOU, not your Facebook status.

Ok, I'm done.

Wait, no I'm not.

Aren't our minds constantly swimming with subtweets? We're constantly thinking things about other people that we wouldn't say to their face. We're sinful. It's what we do.

Now I'm not saying we should TELL someone we hate them. We shouldn't hate them at all. The problem lies not with how we tell people our thoughts, but with what we think of people in the first place. I struggle with this every day. A million little things impact what I think of someone, how I treat them.
Our thoughts are the most potent way in which the devil attacks us, because sin of the mind is the easiest to conceal and thus the hardest to overcome. 
Colossians 3:1-2 tells us to "set our minds on things above, where Christ is." 
That, I think, is the cure for the Subtweeting Syndrome. Set your mind on Christ- don't occupy it with what you think are other people's problems. 
Ironically, that's also the sure fire way to overcome sin of the mind. Where Christ is, sin cannot be. Pretty sure your mind counts for that, too.


Saturday, September 14, 2013

Parents...Are They Avoiding Me?

I get the sneaking suspicion that my parents are having fun without me at home. Hey, guys- I'm the baby, remember? You're supposed to be bawling your eyes out because I'm all grown up and gone! I know of times where I've called my dad, and he has, on purpose, not picked up.  I've asked him for advice, and he's simply said "do what you think is right" or "I'm going to leave that one up to you."

I think most parents today would consider that cruel and unusual.

I wouldn't have it any other way
I have no interest in being cottled and guided through my college years. If college is supposed to be a time to become who you're going to be for the rest of your life, then I want to be in charge of that. Now don't get me wrong- I don't hate my parents. I have the utmost respect for them and love them dearly. But if parents are dead set on being as integral in their kids' lives in college as they were in years 0-18, then their kids will never grow up. It's time for me to learn how to make my own decisions- after all, that's what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. Years 0-18, I had to rely on my parents. If I continue to rely completely on my parents throughout my adult life, that greatly decreases the ability of others to rely on me. There's something to be said for adults who can stand their own and provide for others. More often than not, you'll find, I think, that their parents allowed them to grow up on their own.

So Mom and Dad-
Thanks or 18 years of training. I look forward to taking the training wheels off with you.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Challenges

Perhaps the most difficult challenge I've faced on campus so far is finding trustworthy friends who care for me. When I first moved in, I knew probably one person on campus- and they weren't even a student. Most of the people on my floor had their circle of friends from high school who all came to Mizzou, and they were hunky-Dory.

Me, not so much,

Making friends has been a challenge. I was not very proactive about making friends for awhile- but I soon found out that a college experience without friends is like a finger without a fingernail- functional, but really no fun.
Ok, bad analogy. But it makes sense, right?

Anyways, as it turns out, I know more people here than I thought I did. And to put a nice big cherry on top of that sundae, they know Jesus. What an encouragement! I've gotten to spend a little time with them, and those times have been the most enjoyable of my experience so far. I've also made some friends at RUF (BTW kudos to the upper classpeople who hang out with freshmen like me). 

All to say this:
God placed a challenge in my path. Coming to college, He took away my social circle. This, in turn, has forced me to step outside my comfort zone and make new friends. By doing this, I have learned two things:
1. Trusting God with the outcome of a situation is the most sensible thing to do. EVER. PERIOD. God knows what He's doing, even when it doesn't seem like it. Maybe there's something to be said for letting Jesus Take the Wheel...
2. There are so many opportunities that await you- if you only go looking for them. Adventure, challenge, success, growth- VERY rarely do they all converge in one place, and even more rarely do they come and find you. Stepping beyond your area of normalcy and taking a leap of faith is not only necessary sometimes- it can also be healthy for you.

So take comfort in what He's doing in your life- after all...
He knows your name
He knows your every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And hears you when you call

How can I help but trust a God like that?

Here Goes Nothing

So,
It's 12:55 AM in the 3rd floor lounge in North Hall on the University of Missouri- Columbia campus. What, might you ask, inspired this sleep-deprived freshman to start a blog? 

My honest answer?

I have no earthly idea. 
I've read and followed many blogs before, and the authors of each, it seemed, had found a great medium through which to reveal God's work in and through their life. That, I hope, is what comes of this little project.

So here's to many posts, many readers, and many encouraged hearts and minds.
-Ethan